Friday, May 18, 2012

For My Baby

So today marks a milestone for my youngest son. Many people don't think of 18 months as anything special or important and in the grand scheme of a life counted in years, it's not, but to a mom it's everything. It's that very narrow window between infancy and preschool. It should be recognized... or at least blogged about.

When I discovered I was pregnant for the second time I was filled with the normal human emotions, very similar to getting offered a new job, buying a house etc. I knew my life was about to change and I was oscillating between freaking out and rejoicing. And to be honest, I was mostly stuck on freaking out.

Thing 1 had just turned a year old, I had just started a new job and life was finally starting to settle down. I was just getting use to being a mom of one, only to discover I'd be adding another to that.

Foolishly, my biggest fear was that I couldn't love another little human being the way I loved my first born. I didn't feel I had anything left to give to a baby. I didn't fear tandem feedings, double diaper duty, the financial strain or even 2 car seats (okay actually I did have many tearful meltdowns over the thought of no longer having a backseat because of the car seats that would be occupying the space) as much as I was afraid of disappointing my unborn child. What I feared most was that my new baby wouldn't feel loved by his mother. Such an irrational fear, I realize now, but at the time it was debilitating.

Anyway, I prayed and prayed that God would expand my capacity to love. I believe He heard me, but more likely I already had it in me and just didn't know. I hadn't needed to know until "such a time as this"; God's timing is truly amazing.

But, as usual, I digress.

This post is supposed to be dedicated to my little angel. Like literally, he is a total gift from God.

His smile makes me smile, even when he's breaking the rules.

He loves to sleep and I am totally cool with that!

His appetite for healthy food (though that is quickly changing) and cuddles from mommy is never-ending.

The way he "runs" is just about the cutest thing I've ever seen. I say it reminds me of 62 year old male wedding planner. Random, but hilarious and so true.

He is content playing with his brother, but also, more importantly by himself.

I am the most important person to him (unless brother is in the room).

And when he cries, I know something serious has happened.

He brought a spark to our family and completed us (yes, husband if you're reading this, I did say COMPLETE). I love him for not only the person that he already is, but for the person he has made me. 

At 18 months he: grins as he sits on the potty (and does nothing else), is thankfully still too short to reach the doorknobs, understands and responds with raucous laughter to all of his brother's jokes, points and calls random things "car" or "pio" (which nobody in the family can define), loves reclining his car seat, just got his first haircut, eats unidentifiable objects off of the floor, hates barking/growling dogs, thinks kisses should always be by accompanied with a "bye bye" hand wave, has a mouth full of teeth that he's not afraid to use and (saving the best for last) he squeezes his eyes shut and throws his head back to laugh when something is particularly amusing.

He has recently started throwing full-out, on the floor screaming tantrums, complete with rolling around. In 6 months he will be completely unrecognizable, as he will be a member of that toddler army that I want nothing to do with.
But, in the meantime, I couldn't love this kid more if I tried and I pray that one day he will know that firsthand (and reward me accordingly). He is my small breath of fresh air in a very polluted world. There is currently a tie for my favorite child, but since it's his half birthday, I'll let him have the title today :-)


  1. Beautiful baby! After raising several children I must admit I never thought of but totally like the idea of the 18th month milestone. We never really realize how much love we are capable of until put to the test. I'm glad you realized it was in you all along and now it's in your face. Ain't God grand!

  2. You're absolutely right. Thanks for reading!